Points in Case
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Nate Marmaro's picture

Sorry I Shot You in the Ovaries

Posted January 5th, 2009 by Nate Marmaro
0
FAVS
Loaded shotgun and four shells

Okay, I'm going to be totally honest with you: I was the one that shot you in the ovaries. It was a rookie mistake; I thought I was shooting a glass bottle on a rail post, and it turns out it was your baby compartment. My bad. In my defense, you should have waved your hands or something when you crossed the street. Read More »

Alex Boonstra's picture

The Beauty of the Smoke Circle

Posted January 1st, 2009 by Alex Boonstra
1
FAV
Joint and marijuana leaf

The time before the blunt is a quiet, calm period.  We all sit in a circle and watch in hushed awe as the roller works silently.  He is drawn in, focused intensely on the task at hand, ignoring all the distractions around him.  His tan fingers work like clockwork, picking out the seeds and evenly distributing the weed.  Around him, the room is noiseless, all thoughts going unvoiced, the occ Read More »

Eric Ott's picture

This Steering Wheel is Getting in the Way of My Drunk Dialing

Posted December 28th, 2008 by Eric Ott
0
FAVS
Dialing cell phone in front of steering wheel

I'm pretty sure this is the latest it's ever been and Chris Browning would want to know. That guy appreciates important moments in history. That's what makes him a golden god. He'd understand how fucking late it was and how great we were for being a part of it. Read More »

Brian Agler's picture

My Live Blog of a Night at the Frats

Posted December 25th, 2008 by Brian Agler
1
FAV
Natural Light beer can

10:37pm: I need alcohol in me, like, big time. I don't think I'm addicted, but I just really want to drink. Does that make me an alcoholic?

10:40: Answer: It makes me a college student. I'm relieved, for a second I thought I was an alcoholic. Whew, that's a load off my back. Read More »

Kevin Chang's picture

Jesus Died for This Article

Posted December 22nd, 2008 by Kevin Chang
0
FAVS
Buddy Jesus statue with a heart and a wink

I'm a bottle of wine in and I still can't come up with a Christmas article worth writing. The problem is that Christmas-themed articles usually fall into one of three categories: they're either feel-good reaffirmations of the greatness of this holiday (Santa's real!), depressing deconstructions of the socio-normative constructs that lead us to believe in the greatness of this holiday (Santa's not real!), or all-out hating on the Jewish faith (Jews suck!), the latter representing the largest of the three. Read More »

Pat Francart's picture

I Am Having Fun at This Party!

Posted December 18th, 2008 by Pat Francart
2
FAVS
Party barcode with women

Sometimes a party is just so keen and super fun, you need to tell everyone what a good time you're having. What most people don't realize is that there is a code of conduct for showing your joy.

So, how do I let everyone know how much fun I'm having? Read More »

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